je te sens si fragile.. Le cœur à découvert

Oh! Once again I'm confused.

I don't know how to read people. I don't know what they want, why they do what they do, and in some ways I give up. After all I can't risk anything, not anymore.

I'm young but that does not mean I am free to go make mistakes. I'm only free to do MY BEST.

Sometimes that might feel like one is not free. There are times I question, what If I had been bad?

How terrible could that have been? Then I answer probably damn bad. I look around and I don't see any role model. Everything is quite messed up.

I don't understand how money works. I can be vain yes I can. That's why I never dreamt of being ridiculously rich. I know I could get lost. Thinking money can buy you hapiness because you are sick of people's lies. You want to own something. You want to take revenge on the world by just feeling succesful, beautiful and rich. At least a part of me does. And it is complex. My dark side is what sometimes makes me survive. Because instead of feeling sorry for things I'm not responsible of, instead of feeling like I haven't done enough, instead of feeling sad because I'm alone. Instead of all that, I compensate and say " I LOVE MYSELF" because I TRUST MYSELF. Oh yes, they won't make me cry anymore!!!

Anyway, that's enough to say for today..

Goodnight everyone!! <3

I'm back! (after a while)

Lately, I have come across many people who seem to be punishing themselves.

I see that they don't really accept themselves. They complain about suffering in life, and somehow that is how they punish themselves.

Now, I wonder if I do the same sometimes.

Even though I feel I'm love. I think I need to love myself even more. I believe I have a good, healthy self-esteem. However, when you are in love you seem to lose a part of you.

Loving nowadays is such a dangerous thing. Your mind kills you by asking so many questions. You wish you could just give in to your passion but you know from past experiences you could get deeply hurt. In some ways is like cannot afford to be hurt again, so your mind tries to protect you. YOU try to protect yourself.

I question why do I fear so much? I feel so emotional and so rational at the same time. How can I be both? ...."Is he the right man for you?" "Would I truly be happy If I was with him",

I try to justify my answers.

Then I wake up, and everything is a mess. Oh! I have to "fix it", I have to stay positive. I have to try to motivate others or at least everyone around me. Oh yes! I must be strong and portray that in such a way that I can also be perceived as sweet, nice and compassionate, but not naive.

There is beauty in this world indeed. Between what you try to be and what you are, there is beauty. Your flaws can make you beautiful if you work on them. But the most important thing is to love yourself at all times. Do not forget one cannnot give what one does not have.

Finally, I promise myself I will remind myself of how beautiful I am everyday. That If I find myself trying so hard to be what "I would like to be" I will slow down because I am just fine. I will smile more, worry less.

Love,

Elizabeth